Author: Bert

  • German TV

    Here’s an interesting article I found on German TV.

    I’m just going to leave that there and silently back out of the room.

     

     

  • Mia goes LA

    Hey everyone!

    Or everyone from L.A. who wants to see Mia, some other Belgian shorts, hear directors talk, and drink a Belgian beer.

    Your wish has just been granted.

    Click this link!

    You lucky dog you.

  • Losing Sleep

    Losing Sleep

    So I’ve got this zit. It’s on my head, precisely where my hair parts. It’s swollen so much I can’t sleep comfortably anymore, no matter how I lie. I feel like I’m pregnant with a disgusting mucus baby.

    When I was a teenager, my mom used to give me 20 francs (half a euro) for five minutes of zit-pinching. These five minutes usually occurred when I was on a particularly tough boss in a nasty video game, so I got annoyed fast.

    But boy, after my fifth consecutive zit-induced bad night rest, I would give her 20 francs to get rid of this thing.

    So basically I need a time machine I guess?

  • Chicken

    Berlin-Mitte
    Berlin-Mitte
  • Gentleman

    You can never be too polite! Like the guy currently standing in front of me at the Lidl cash register, who is saying sorry in advance by buying a single tulip with his sixpack of cheap beer.

  • Hear that? That was the sound of the fourth wall breaking.

    I’ve never really been a fan of the Call of Duty games. It’s not gamer snobism (after all, I still play WoW after nearly ten years) – I’m just not really invested in realistic shooters. The stories never really seemed to click with me, just like war movies don’t click. Yet the newest game in the CoD franchise did something I find very interesting.

    This fascinates me beyond belief. How could anyone think this was going to work? I mean, the idea is right – press button, get emotionally invested – but the execution is just laughably bad. The whole trick of writing a moving story is never telling your audience it’s moving at all. Stories are emotional manipulation, sure, but you don’t want the audience to realize that. Suspense of disbelief, people!

    Imagine watching the Lion King (and I’m taking this example precisely because the movie already borders laying bare its extreme means of manipulation). Mufasa dies. Simba cries. Violins play, the choir sings some notes in flat.

    Then, suddenly, one of the wildebeasts halt and goes “Whoa, dude, your dad is totally dead, that’s like, super sad.”

    Sure, you think of these things when you’re writing a screenplay. You know you’re going to manipulate the audience to the moon and back. In fact, these are usually the moments I find first, because they supply the emotional grounding for a project. But if you’re any bit decent at telling stories, you’ll be subtle about it.

    Narration in video games is taking baby steps. I mean, there’s games like Bastion or Braid, who try to use the medium to tell adequate stories, and I think we’re really going places. But then there’s sequences like this – sequences in productions that cost so, so, so much money. Sequences that fall flat because they break universal narrative rules that have been around for millenia in the dumbest manner possible.

    Hey, at least we learned something, right?

    (P.S.: Giantbomb did a great piece on this – clickie!)

  • Slaughterhouse Five

    I’m so sorry. I feel so bad. Remember this post? The one where I went on and on about what shitty pulp books I liked? Turn out I forgot to mention my all-time favourite book and the only one worth a damn on that list:

    Slaughterhouse Five.

    You might ask yourself:
    “But Bert, why tell us this now, more than a month after the last post?”
    (You might also ask yourself “But Bert, why did you lie?” with a tear in your eye, to which I say “Hush little one, it’ll be alright.”)

    Because I stumbled upon this great summary of why Slaughterhouse Five is so great. Thanks, John Green!

     

  • German Hugs

    I’ve lived in Germany for eight years now. Some of the German mysteries have unfurled in front of me. I know why “Schmetterling” is the cutest word in the world. I know why vampires should turn me on. And I even kind of know why Hitler jokes aren’t really funny.

    But here’s something I don’t get: When and how is it okay for one dude to hug another dude?

    Seriously, guys, if you’re gonna make dudes hugging into a regular thing, you’ve got to lay down some ground rules so things don’t get messy. The system you’ve got in place is chaotischunüberschaubar and inkonsistent – in general: very undeutsch!

    For instance: Do we use the ritual shaking-of-hands before we pull each other in? Or do we not use said shake and create momentum out of nowhere? Do we pat each other on the back or not? And if do we, are we talking about a pat as in what we do to babies to make them burp or are we talking more about a pat as in what the doctor does when you’ve got a cold?

    Do doctors actually do that in Germany?

    Fuck. I can never get a cold.

  • Youtube

    Sometimes I think I should do a vlog on Youtube.

    I mean I have stuff to say. Things to talk about. Opinions and such.

    But then I look at my face as I talk into the webcam and think

    nope!