Author: Bert

  • elhana

    Hey guys!

    One of my texts got featured on the elhana project website.

    For those not in the know: elhana is a big brother project in the Berlin area, where you help out a kid with problems at school. I sat with Yussuf (not his real name) twice a week, from 2010 to the end of 2015, helped him with math and german and just the general facts of a elementary school kid’s life (Beyblades, Ninjago and divorce, mainly). And, because I’m me, I wrote a text about this experience.

    You can read the text on their site or on mine, whatever floats your boat.

    Working with Yussuf was a delight and an enrichment of my life. Ober the course of five years, I taught him how to play chess, and now I can’t even come close to beating him. I can wholeheartedly recommend this project. If you’re in the Berlin area and interested in doing something good on a small scale, give elhana a shout, tell them Bert sent you.

  • Manhattan

    Manhattan

    Charlie: You’re working on an atomic bomb.
    Akley: We prefer to call it a gadget.

    I’ve got a thing for 20th century history. In fact, I think my favourite works of fiction revolve around recent history: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, Boardwalk Empire, Maus… Hey, my whole moving-to-Germany adventure? Started with Good Bye Lenin. Guess I’m kind of a nerd.

    So it’s surprise to precisely no one that I instantly fell in love with Manhattan. A show set in Los Alamos, the top-secret base where the Manhattan Project unrolled, starring the physicists that developed the bomb? If there’s an itch that can never get enough scratching, that’s the one.

    Manhattan revolves around Frank Winter, a brilliant physicist in charge of creating the atomic bomb. Surrounding him is a team of cracks – and their accompanying wives and children, who gave up their lives to follow their husbands to a top-secret city in the middle of the desert, not even knowing what their spouses were doing. The show’s a fantastic mix of personal stories and espionage, told against the backdrop of the biggest (and scariest) invention the 20th century has given us.

    Unfortunately, the show completely flew under the radar, gathering a small following of rabid fans completely enthralled by the brilliantly plotted espionage and intrigue the show offers – so it surprised no one when it was canceled after two seasons (I think three were planned). And while I know how insanely frustrating it can be to watch a show knowing there’ll be no exclamation mark at the end of the sentence, know that the end-of-
    season-two cliffhanger is one of the most cathartic TV moments of the year and one of my favourite scenes ever.

    So if you’re in love with big dramas in small settings revolving around huge explosions but not actually featuring any – this is your show!

    And if you’re not convinced – check out its Emmy-winning intro:

  • Overwatch

    Overwatch

    Me and gaming, we’ve fallen on hard times. Things used to be different: We would have fun together, play all sorts of stuff until the middle of the night… Nowadays, we just look at each other and shrug. It’s like we lost all our old love, like we don’t know how to push each other’s buttons or find our graphics undesirable. What has happened?

    In all earnesty: I’ve been working a lot. Like, a lot a lot. So usually, when I come home from work, my brain is so mushy I can’t really focus on doing anything. I tried playing Final Fantasy XIV, found there to be too much reading. I tried DOOM, which was great, but there was too much looking at the map. Lord knows I’ve played The Last of Us – but even there, there was too much going on and I couldn’t take any of it in.

    So I ended up playing Puzzle Quest and Tropico – and as far as the latter was concerned, just the first few missions over and over on a loop. I’ve gotten so good at that game, if you ever need a colonial-era dictator to run your banana republic, I’m in.

    And then I bought Overwatch. On a whim, because the thought of an online competitive shooter was enough to make my eyes roll out the back of my head. I’m not competitive, and playing against other people for fun should have been the last thing I’d want to do. I like games because they’re a series of a meticulously designed challenges waiting to be conquered – not because I wanna be teabagged by a random stranger.

    Overwatch, however, seems to scratch current my gaming itch perfectly. It’s easy to pick up – a handful of heroes, a few maps and three rotating game modes – but with enough tactical depth to keep me coming back. The maps are small enough that playing them a few times is enough to get a good read on them. And the game’s entire atmosphere is more about having fun than winning (you can be lose the game and still be the match’s MVP, for instance).

    So if you’re on PS4 and looking for someone to play with – hit up Kuudelka! Together, we can conquer the world.

  • The Boxtrolls

    The Boxtrolls

    Anyone who’s halfway into stop-motion should have heard of Laika. The makers of Coraline and Paranorman are the Pixar studios of moving dolls around and taking a painstaking amount of pictures. Coraline (based off the Neil Gaiman novel) was brilliant, and Paranorman (which centers around a little kid who can see dead people) is one of my favorite movies to date. I think that’s the reason I shied away from watching the Boxtrolls – I was afraid of it being bad.

    Thankfully, it’s not!

    The Boxtrolls takes places in a victorian-era metropolis (that strangely enough centers around cheese), in which the current order (defined by the color of their hats) fight the terrible beings that live underneath the streets: The Boxtrolls. Boxtrolls are precisely what the name suggests: Trolls that live in boxes. They are peaceful creatures that are misunderstood and find themselves hunted by a group of red-hatters (two of which have a delightful back-and-forth existential crisis about what side they are really on). Laika wastes no effort in finding visual ways to incorporate these boxes into the story, with boxtrolls stacking on top of each other to climb fences or walls, or them sleeping on top of each other in a perfectly ordered cube. The first insights into their home are downright stunning, with dozens of little doodads moving around, and set the bar for stop-motion animation (which had previously been set by – you guessed it – Laika!).

    But all of this is a given, really. You don’t go see a Laika flick and expect it to look like garbage. It’s the story where Laika often falters. Coraline had little issues in this regard: after all, it had a great novel as a backbone. Paranorman, however, sometimes faltered: Some of its scenes were kind of strange, with no clear beginning or end – and had it not been for its painful honesty, it would have been a disaster.

    Thankfully, the Boxtrolls is confidently written, with a thematically sound story about human (and boxtroll) nature, and some great exchanges about family. Compared to Paranorman (and Coraline), the movie loses some of its honesty and feels more like a generic blockbuster, but it nails the emotional beats, and never feels like just another popcorn movie.

    In all, there’s no doubt this is the weakest of Laika’s three feature films. But it’s still miles above most animated movies, which is saying a lot. And in a world of computer technology, there’s something to be said for a movie where you can feel the handiwork involved. Like all Laika features, Boxtrolls feels alive.

  • Stranger Things

    Stranger Things

    Throughout the millions of words I have written on this page over the last ten years, it should come as no surprise to you guys that I love Stephen King. There’s something about his work that perfectly captures horror without losing track of his characters. And sure, there’s some books I haven’t finished which I should have (Needful Things, the first part of The Dark Tower), I finished some that I really shouldn’t have (The Tommyknockers, Cujo), and he almost never quite nails the ending (The Stand, 11/22/63) – but there’s something that causes me to come back time and again.

    Now, I could write the same paragraph about Steven Spielberg, about E.T., Gremlins and Jurassic Park, an how these movies defined my childhood, about how Spielberg created a brilliant synergy between interesting characters and science-fiction through the use of wonder. About the Spielberg face, and so on. And I did write exactly that.

    If you’ve read these two paragraphs and haven’t fallen asleep, Netflix’s Stranger Things might just be the thing for you. It’s the perfect brain child of King and Spielberg: A sci-fi horror show (light on the horror, thankfully) set in 1983, about three kids searching for their missing friend and discovering a whole lot of nasty stuff on the way. Both visually and storywise, it’s a treat, heavily paying homage to the eighties. You’ll recognize shots from old eighties classics, and some of the story beats feel like someone fired up the King playlist on an old grimy jukebox.

    Let there be no doubt, though: Stranger Things is more than a wink and a nudge, or a weird inside joke for nerds like me. It’s a touching story about friendship, motherly love and growing up, and accessible to a broader audience than this review might imply. Give it a try – I was hooked within minutes.

  • The Peanuts Movie

    The Peanuts Movie

    I actually wanted to go see this movie in the cinema last Christmas, but because of the stress of moving and spending Christmas abroad (and Star Wars, okay, a whole lot of Star Wars), I missed it. Not that big a deal, to be frank: The Peanuts Movie works best when it’s an intimiate TV-level affair, and falters precisely when it tries
    to be more.

    I’m not exactly what you call a Peanuts fan. I have a basic understanding of the franchise, read a cross-section of the comics, watched the Christmas and Halloween specials a couple of times as a kid, and I played a Snoopy game on Game Boy (it was hard) – but I’m by no means a fanboy. Okay, reading that sentence again, that might not entirely be true. But in defense, I didn’t even know this movie was coming out until there was a 5-cent therapy booth at Potsdamer Platz (unfortunately, the doctor was not in).

    The Peanuts movie – surprise incoming – centers around the titular characters, with in the middle: Charlie Brown, who is in love and will do anything to not have to go win the lucky lady’s heart. For some reason, Charlie Brown is considered an American hero, like Mickey Mouse or Rambo – described as an eternal optimist who never gives up, no matter how often Lucy pulls away that darn football. I never quite understood that: To me, Charlie Brown is a coward, who needs his friends (and dog) to get anything done. This makes for an interesting – but highly frustrating – main character: He might say he’s always trying to get the best outcome, but really he’s trying to get out of doing anything. Charlie Brown is not a man of action, and I’m amazed they actually managed to create a coherent, funny and touching story around him.

    Somehow, it felt like the movie’s creators had the same fear, too. That’s why they decided to devote about a third of the flick’s screentime to Snoopy and his overactive imagination. Snoopy’s the exact opposite of Charlie Brown: He’s a dreamer, a hands-on happy-go-lucky dog who can go on any adventure possible. The Peanuts Movie opts to bring back the flying dog shed and the red baron. These sequences go all out on action and chases like there was some leftover budget in a drawer somewhere and they had no other option than to spend them.

    I know, for some people, Snoopy going all-out bonkers is Peanuts. I just found the sequences stylistically bland and completely forgettable. Suddenly, I was watching a regular animated movie and not a wonderfully crafted, somewhat extraordinary slice of Schulz-like animation.

    Because this movie does look wonderful – in a way that perfectly encapsulates The Peanuts universe imagined by Charles Schulz. The characters seem to be missing frames when they move, they switch from the typical Schulz 3/4-frontal perspective to profile with no frames in between the way he drew them, and the colours mimic the TV specials perfectly. The Peanuts Movie is a perfect modern interpretation of a franchise that no one really knew how to bring back to the screen.

    If you’re like me and you missed this movie in theaters, be like me and watch it on TV. I think it’s the best way to experience The Peanuts. And I won’t tell anyone you fast-forwarded through the Snoopy bits.

  • X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-Men: Apocalypse

    Warning! Massive anecdote about myself incoming!

    When I was in my first semester at the dffb, we had to partake in a directing seminar led by the wonderful Marin Marchewski – a seminar in which we had to, well, direct a scene that was handed to us without altering any of the dialogues. Needless to say the dialogue was terrible, and 24 year-old bitchy Bert was annoyed. So during our flat’s Halloween party, I snapped two girls – one dressed as Sally from the Nightmare before Christmas, one as Lara Croft – and made them perform the scene handcuffed to chairs in a boiler room I hung full of lolcats.

    The result was terrible, but thankfully, the layers upon layers of irony in that 3-minute piece of art saved 24 year-old Bert’s skin. After all, I knew it was terrible, right? Marin cast his critical eye on my work, rattling the keychain in his pocket as he always did, calling it a “persiflage of nothing in particular”. Then, in another one of his typical mannerisms, he proclaimed “we should go for a smoke”.

    We stood on the balcony, him dragging his cigarette, me enjoying the artificial background noise blaring from the speakers at Potsdamer Platz, feeling particularly smug. Then, he looked over to me and, with one sentence, smashed my smugness to smittereens:

    “If only you’d have tried, you might have learned something.”

    That moment might have been the single most defining experience at film school. It’s one of the few occasions where I didn’t learn about the craft, but about myself – about not hiding between irony because I’m insecure about my work, but just flat-out going all-out and taking the risk of getting hurt.

    It was also a sentence that popped into my mind during Apocalypse.

    “The third one’s always the worst”, Jean grey suddenly says, walking out of the theatre, talking about Return of the Jedi while she was actually referring to the Third X-Men in the original trilogy, The Last Stand. Yet in that moment, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling the psychic girl was talking about the very movie she was in – which is also a bloated mess overstuffed with paper-thin characters.

    In that moment, I knew Apocalypse had quit trying. Apocalypse knew it was terrible, and it just went with it like I had. Jean Grey was the lolcat hanging from the wall, feeling smug because she knew she was part of something bad – and that make it okay.

    If only Marin Marchewski had been there for Jean.

  • Rayman Legends

    Rayman Legends

    I haven’t been gaming a lot lately. It’s not due to a lack of games – I’ve found myself trying out many of the various AAA titles I’ve missed in the past few years, but nothing really stuck. Either I missed them for a reason, or I’ve just had so much to do I don’t really have the energy to delve into deep games.

    Enter: Rayman Legends! A delightful 2D platformer, beautifully animated, with simply gameplay that’s still varied enough to keep me hooked. Save vikings, beat dragons, jump on pillows – and look stilish while doing so! It’s the perfect game to turn off your brain.

    And that’s all the energy I have to write this post. The game’s dirt cheap and available on every current console. Try it out!

     

  • Captain America: Civil War

    Captain America: Civil War

    I’m gonna be really honest: I’ve started getting a bit burned out on the Marvel Universe. The creeping feeling started when I watched Age of Ultron, and has been steadily growing ever since. Obviously, Marvel brought this upon themselves, with their incessant flow of movies and series that are supposed to be different, but have striking similarities in story and tonality: Bad guy comes in, funny banter, fight scenes, Stan Lee cameo, more funny banter – the end.

    And this is why I advise you go see Civil War. No, not for the Stank Lee cameo, but to see a Marvel Universe movie that’s strikingly different from any that came before it. There’s no Ultron. There’s relatively little funny banter. Even the battle scene at the end decides to keep the floating cities and black holes to a minimum.

    But Bert, you ask, why should I go see a Marvel movie without Marvel things? What’s the point if the Hulk isn’t going to use Tom Hiddleston as a club??

    Because for the first time, every beat in this movie is driven by emotion. Civil War might be the darkest Marvel film to date, and while it takes about an hour to align all the pieces, it does so effectively. You understand Steve. You understand Tony. You see why their fight is inevitable, and yet you root for their friendship.

    It should come as no surprise that Zemo, played by Daniel Brühl, plays a relatively small role in this story. Compared to Loki or Ultron, he’s weak and vulnerable – but like every character in Civil War, he is filled with relatable emotions and you really understand why he does what he does.

    In short, I think Civil War might be the closest Marvel will ever get to a tragedy – and I’m so happy they pulled it off.

    Some random notes:

    • Spider-man, wahey!
    • Martin Freeman, double wahey!
    • Black Panther… kind of wahey?
    • Berlin depicted in a well-researched geographical manner, triple wahey!
    • Paul Rudd. All the waheys.
  • Final Fantasy X

    Final Fantasy X

    (postscript: Yes I am aware nostalgia is a thing and No I do not care nostalgia is a thing)

    Life has been a tornado lately (I originally wrote hurricane, but I couldn’t help but read those words to the Ducktales tune so I changed it to tornado, fyi). I’ve been working non-stop, my private life is an absolute mess, and what little free time I have I spend on the train.

    To this end, I’ve bought a PlayStation Vita. Yes, the Sony handheld. Yes, the one that’s been pretty much dead for over a year. The reason for my purchase, apart from suddenly being in the blissful situation of finally making money? Final Fantasy X.

    Final Fantasy X is pretty mixed as far as Final Fantasy games go, but to me, it was the last one I could consider a great game. It looked great at the time (and honestly, the remake looks stunning on the Vita), the battle system was fun (if a bit lengthy) and the setting and story were breathtaking.

    Actually, they still are. Sure, the game’s aged poorly, the voice acting is quite terrible, the uncomfortable silences drive me absolutely insane, but behind it are some solid ideas – that were definitely hampered by the lack of experience with the technology they were created for.

    Final Fantasy X still moves me. It’s a tragedy, a star-crossed lovers kind of story, that, themewise, is built entirely on circles. You level on a sphere grid. You play sports in a floating ball of water. Even the story, which centers around the breaking of age-old traditions, is littered with them.

    Sure, you play as a metrosexual Japanese teen, one of your teammates is a giant talking cat, and yeah, the mysterious bushido plot device is definitely a thing… but to me, this game played its emotional beats precisely right. And to be honest, it’s the last time a single-player Final Fantasy game has managed to do that.

    Now let’s hope XV is good!