I have the weirdest job. There are days where I sit at my desk, slamming my sausagey fingers down on the keys, spewing sentences out like and feeling awesome like Dostojewski or Hasselhoff in Baywatch. Then, there are days where I use Dostojewski and Hasselhoff in the same sentence.

I will never say my job is hard. I mean, it surely isn’t easy and it’s deceptively time-intensive, but it’s not out to actively destroy me like my Summer job at the slaughterhouse where I imagined I was playing a game called Chicken Tetris just so I could make it through the day.

In a metaphor, I like to call myself a plumber. I take pleasure in installing your toilet and I love toying with the pipes until they’re completely tight – but that means wading through handfuls of shit.

That’s the job. You twist the pipes until no more shit comes out. Because no matter how good you get: Shit will come out. It has to. Once you can do it without getting your hands smeared with shit – well hurrah, you’re officially a hack.

Here’s a little link on what got me started on the shitty tirade that climaxed with a crappy shit pun: Andy Bobrow, writer for the newly canceled Community, tries to get Dan Harmon to cure his Shit Writing Syndrome, a disease plaguing every writer. 

If you don’t like to be entertained by a professional comedy writer, then by all means don’t click the highly interesting links at the bottom of the article where he compares two drafts for “Mixology Certification”, an excellent Community episode that (obviously) started with a very bad screenplay.