Ms. Mechthild Müller presents (1): Stracciatella Chocolate Muffins

Hello dearies! Mechthild here, and today I baked wonderful stracciatella chocolate muffins. And because Albrecht isn’t due home for another five hours and I’ve got nothing but this bottle of Bordeaux to keep me company, I’ll show you how it’s done. Don’t worry – even you can do it!

Ingredients

  • 150g butter
  • 250g flour
  • 2 heaped teaspoons of baking powder
  • 150g chocolate
  • 1 package of vanilla sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 200g crème fraiche
  • 100g sugar
  • Muffin baking form and little muffin paper cups (else you might just bake a cake, dearie!)

Muffins!

Here’s how it’s done

First, you preheat the oven at 160° C. Or 180° C, if you’re one of those who aren’t blessed with an air circulation oven. Then, start with the logistics, those are always first because your hands are still clean. Grease the baking form with butter and a brush, then insert the paper cups. The dough will go into those later on. Now there’s all sorts of shapes and sizes of cups, but you’ll want ones that a) are big enough for your form (I’ve seen everything!) and b) are a bit colourful and cutesy so you can hide the fact that you’ve undoubtedly already soiled them with your dirty greasy butter hands.

Wonderful! Let’s carry on, shall we?

Melt the butter. Mix the flour and the baking powder. Chop the chocolate. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes, Milka chocolate comes in 100g packages, so you’ve got 50 grams left over after you’ve chopping, but let me stop you right there.

If you don’t want to become a big fat slob and have your husband leave you for a big city hussie, don’t gobble that down like the turkey you are. You gotta impress your man. In fact, dearie, I don’t think you should eat these muffins at all.

Is everyone with me? That’s great!

Boy, this Bordeaux really is something else.

Mix the eggs with the crème fraiche, the sugar, vanilla sugar and the now-melted butter (I hope you didn’t turn the heat up too high and got grease all over your dress, honey!). Add the flour mixture and the chocolate. Stir, stir, stir. If your arm’s getting tired, you’re doing it right. You have to treat your man right. Because once he realizes he can do better, perkier and sexier, he’s out faster than a Christmas tree in January.

Now this part is where you get to feel glad about yourself. Remember how I told you to prepare the muffin form so you wouldn’t have to do it later? Well it’s done now and you can pour in the dough. Be sure to divide it equally. I know life’s not fair and some of us got more (or less!) than others, but baking is not like life, dearies. Baking is what we tell our children so they can sleep at night. Baking is fair!

Once you’re done with that, bake it for twenty to twenty-five minutes in your preheated oven. After that, you take them out and let them cool off a bit before taking them out of the form. So if I see blisters on your hand next time we meet, I know you were a gluttonous bimbo and you deserve everything you’ve got.

Muffins, 2!

There you go! Your very own stracciatella chocolate muffins for when your Albrecht comes home!

If Albrecht is ever coming home.

…Let’s crack open another bottle, shall we!?